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May. 3rd, 2008 | 09:44 pm

I'm just really tired at the moment. It's a physiological and pyschological tiredness. Isobelle will not sleep in her own bed for an entire night. ever. she'll come up to my room anywhere from around midnight, and she'll climb into my bed and go straight back to sleep. But once she does this i dont sleep. She wedges herself up against me and i'm just about on the floor. And if she moves away at all i get startled and grab for her as she fell out one night and hit her head. I know I should get up and take her back to her own bed, but i'm just too tired to get out. I know. It's only making things worse in the end.
and anways. so i havent had a real night sleep in however many weeks/months, so i'm completely drained all day. and i cant study as its impossible with isobelle. Obviously i have to look after her. my intentions are to study when she goes to bed, but thats not until at least 8.30. and by that time all i want to do is go to sleep. then i get stressed cause i feel like im not taking anything in. and im paranoid that im stupid. Then i have work a few nights a week.
and of course i have absolutely no social existance at all. if i get 'spare' time i feel guilty for not spending it with my daughter. I mean i want to spend it with her. cause when i study and work i feel as though i'm neglecting her. so im not going to get someone to babysit her so i can go out and do my own thing. im not entitled to that anymore. but tonight ive just sat back and realised i actually dont have anyone to call a friend anymore. i havent seen anyone socially for weeks/months. and thats pretty sad.
i think im officially in a rut.

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bella

From: smurfet_talks
Date: May. 4th, 2008 11:31 am (UTC)
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just because you chose to have a baby doesnt mean that you dont get any time to yourself. Sounds like you really should get up though and put isobelle back in her bed you might get back to sleep and she might even stop doing. best of luck

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